My main objective or goal is to make my opinion about art to be more clear and more prevalent within my essay. Including my opinion will allow me to strengthen my claim and let the readers see my point of view. A recurring theme with my peers was that my opinion was mostly only stated in the introduction and seemed to get lost throughout the paper.

The first step I will take is to read what my peer’s said about my paper, and see how they suggest I include my opinion. Reading what my peers thought is a very good resource since they are another set of eyes and an outside source.

The second step I will take is to re-read my own essay, and find some places where I feel strongly and where my voice could be heard. This could either be about a quote, or something that Southern or Kaphar believe. This would be a great opportunity to include my voice within my paper. I believe that this step may be challenging, because I may not know where my opinion may fall or where I should include it.

If I am not able to form an opinion, then my third step would be to look at Southan’s text and watch the TED talk again. I will grab a blank piece of paper and jot down some of their main points. I have already included many of their opinions and what “they say” in my essay, but maybe re-reading and re-watching will also me to grasp their views even more. Doing so will allow me to form my own opinions or what “I say”, and this would be beneficial to include throughout my paper. “They say, I say” will also be a good resource as well because it will allow me form what “I say” clearly and effectively. I think that I included what “They say”, Southan and Kaphar, in my essay pretty well, but reading this text will give me some techniques that I could use to represent my own voice within my paper.

1. Ideas: In one of my peer’s papers, I noticed that their thesis statement was not very specific about what they were arguing. I suggested that they make their thesis more clear, and directly state what stance they are taking. I am not sure which side they are going to be taking based off the last sentence of the introduction.

2. Evidence: I believe that including more quotes from Kaphar’s TED talk would strongly increase their claim in their paper. One quote that could be used to support the claim is, “By and large, the representation of black people and the history of Western painting is enslaved, inservitude or impoverished.” This quote could allow them to further explain why else art is important, for example, culture. The text overall does a good job supporting their claim, but I think that adding more quotes would further help them do so.

3. Organization: I commented on one of my peer’s papers on their paragraph structure and organization. There was one example where one paragraph was over a page long. I suggested, “Maybe try breaking up the paragraph into two in order to make it flow more smoothly.”  Their conclusion was also quite long, so I said, “I would suggest decreasing your conclusion, and try summing up your main points that you discussed in your essay.”

4. In a way, global edits can change an essay more dramatically rather than local edits. Global edits is the “big picture” of the essay, and can change the idea of the essay as a whole. It is different for me looking at an essay as a whole instead of picking out tinier things, such as local edits.

http://elishaemerson.uneportfolio.org/2018/02/06/stakes-and-the-introductory-paragraph-2/

I believe that the process of critiquing and complimenting my peer’s work was very beneficial. It allowed me to read a variety of introductions and see all of the different ideas others had. I noticed some techniques that other students used within the introductions that I really liked, and that I would consider even using in my own essay. For example, some of my peers started their essays with a question. I really like this technique because it allows the reader to think about the topic and draws them in. I definitely might consider adding something like that in my introduction paragraph to grab the readers attention. From this experience, I am confident that my overall essay will come together much more nicely.

During the TED talk, “Can art amend history?”, artist Titus Kaphar brings to light the inequality in art history. He discusses how the depictions of the past throughout sculptures and paintings impacts us. However, he states that we must not erase this history, but amend it. Right from the start, Kaphar brings up how he loves museums, especially the Natural History museum. One day he brought his kids to the museum, and they approached the famous sculpture of Teddy Roosevelt on a horse with a Native American to one side of him and an African American on the other. Out of nowhere, his son asks why he gets to ride but they have to walk. This took Kaphar aback as he realized that there was significant amount of history behind that sculpture. It represents the way life was like back then. Kaphar uses his passion for art history to make meaningful art that battle with the harsh past yet also emphasizes the advancements of modern day.

In Rhys Southan’s essay, “Is Art a Waste of Time?”, he discusses the role that art plays in the world, and allows the readers to critically think about this concept. Southan submerges himself into Effective Altruism, whose ideas and beliefs contradicts most of his views. Effective Altruists do not believe that art has a place in this world, and that it does not help anybody the way that actual money and donations do. They think that artists do not contribute to reducing suffering, and are just wasting their time by not helping the world. Southan somewhat understands their point of view and what they mean. However, in the end, he holds his ground and says that for now he is not going to give up on his dreams and passion.

Southan’s and Kaphar’s ideas on art connect at some level.  Kaphar strongly believes that art history is very important for our nation’s culture and value. Even though the past was harsh, he thinks that the paintings and sculptures that depict it as such should remain, but be amended. He does not believe in erasing history because it is crucial for our knowledge of realizing where we came from and how we got to this point. This connects with Southan’s question if art has a place in the world, because it can represent our history and values. I agree with both Southan and Kaphar in the way that art is beneficial and has a voice in this world. I believe that without art and its history, we would be lost. Any piece of art tells a story that may have a hidden meaning or truth. I say that it is important for artists to continue to make art so that in a couple hundred years, or any time in the future, people will always be able to look at the past by viewing art.

During my second reading of Southan’s essay, it allowed me to grasp the concepts of what he was describing much more. It cleared up some of the questions I had in the end because I seemed to miss some things. Reading the context again helped me understand Southan’s views on Effective Altruism, and what the EA movement really is. For example, I realized that Southan doubted himself many times throughout the passage because of the ideas that the EA have. He seemed discouraged and disappointed as he states, “It would be great if the arts and humanities were hugely beneficial to the world, because they tend to be personally satisfying….” Even though Southan himself is an artist, he isn’t sure that it actually helps the world in any way. However, he concludes his essay by saying that for now he will continue to be an artist and isn’t willing to give up what he loves. After reading this essay a second time, I came to find that I agree with Southan’s views and I support his decision of continuing to do what he enjoys.

Glossing the text allowed me to further my understanding of the text. If there was some word, phrase, or reference I did not know, then I would look up what it meant. Doing so let me comprehend the passage much better than when I read it the first time. Some words that I were unfamiliar with were egalitarianism, Anti-Apartheid, and Übermensch. Egalitarianism is the belief in the equality of all people either politically, socially or economically. (http://www.dictionary.com/browse/egalitarian). I found that Anti-Apartheid was a British organization that was at the center of the international movement which opposed South Africa’s system of apartheid and supported South Africa’s non-whites. (http://africanactivist.msu.edu/organization.php?name=Anti-Apartheid+Movement). Übermensch is German for “Superman” or “Beyond-man”.( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Übermensch).

While reading through “Is Art a Waste of Time?”, by Rhys Southan, there were two places in his writing that I noticed and found interesting. In this piece, Southan describes the activism group “Effective Altruism”, or “EA”,  and what he reported was very intriguing. For instance, something that struck me was his statement, “Replaceability is a core concept in EA. The idea that the only good that counts is what you accomplish over and above what the next person would have done in your place.” This made me think of a completely new idea that I have never thought about before. It makes the notion of reducing suffering and helping others become a competition. It seems like the goal in life is to be the most irreplaceable and to do the most good, but it is hard to know when you have done enough. This puts a lot of pressure on people to do more than they can even imagine to save lives and make the world a better place.

Another key point that shocked me was that one should pursue a career in something that pays well or helps people. One would use this money to donate and would use their job to help others. Southan states, “But there are plenty of people drawn to the media and the arts who care about making the world better. For them to accept the EA position will often require that they give up what they love to do most.” This makes me feel sad for artists who gives up their passion and their dreams because they are told that what they are doing is not enough. I do not agree with this part of the EA. I believe art is very valuable to our culture and the world, and should be conserved at all costs. It is not fair that those who have found their true calling in life have to give it up in order to be altruistic.

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