150 word note:
Your essay looked pretty good! I would suggest that you include a clear thesis statement somewhere in your introduction, preferably the last sentence, about what you believe and what you are arguing. This will give the readers an idea about what you are going to argue about throughout your essay. I liked how you made your opinion clear about Ma’s ideas. You use many quotes throughout your essay, which is good, but I suggest describing what they mean and your opinion on them. Also, it would be good to discuss how the quotes relate to your claim and how they are used as evidence. Instead of making your essay about Ma, I suggest that you make it about your thesis and use Ma as backup evidence to support your claim. Another suggestion I have is that you could maybe include Jonah Lehrer in your discussion as well. This would allow you to have more evidence to strengthen your argument even further, and will also increase your word count. Overall, good job!
