1. Ideas: In one of my peer’s papers, I noticed that their thesis statement was not very specific about what they were arguing. I suggested that they make their thesis more clear, and directly state what stance they are taking. I am not sure which side they are going to be taking based off the last sentence of the introduction.
2. Evidence: I believe that including more quotes from Kaphar’s TED talk would strongly increase their claim in their paper. One quote that could be used to support the claim is, “By and large, the representation of black people and the history of Western painting is enslaved, inservitude or impoverished.” This quote could allow them to further explain why else art is important, for example, culture. The text overall does a good job supporting their claim, but I think that adding more quotes would further help them do so.
3. Organization: I commented on one of my peer’s papers on their paragraph structure and organization. There was one example where one paragraph was over a page long. I suggested, “Maybe try breaking up the paragraph into two in order to make it flow more smoothly.” Their conclusion was also quite long, so I said, “I would suggest decreasing your conclusion, and try summing up your main points that you discussed in your essay.”
4. In a way, global edits can change an essay more dramatically rather than local edits. Global edits is the “big picture” of the essay, and can change the idea of the essay as a whole. It is different for me looking at an essay as a whole instead of picking out tinier things, such as local edits.
Nice! It looks like you are making great suggestions. You also seem to have these categories down. 3/3